Okay, as horrible as the Duggars are, I really think people should ask themselves what they would do if one of their kids started raping his siblings. Can you be absolutely sure that you would instantly know the right thing to do, and would have the courage to do it without hesitation, even if it meant condemning one child to start life as a felon, and four others to community ostracization when word of what happened to them got out? (Hey, here’s a thought: maybe being reluctant to subject your daughters to what the criminal justice system does to rape survivors is actually a good call. Or maybe not. Maybe these things don’t have easy answers when they’re up close and happening to people you love.)
While you’re thinking over your answer, do you think we could we maybe stop using the story of four young girls getting raped by their older brother as a way to become ever more comfortable on our very tall horse? Can we maybe conceive of a universe in which we acknowledge that the Duggars’ lifestyle is patriarchal and retrograde, but stop short of declaring that their adherence to fundamentalist Christianity as the sole source of this tragedy? There are liberal families out there that have had incestuous rape problems, too. How about we decide to hold back from making this family tragedy into the next front in our revived culture war?
What happened in that family was an abomination and a tragedy, and yes patriarchal purity culture is creepy as hell, and yes there is a lot of really squicky shit that happens in right wing Christian cults. But I don’t see these conversations happening. Or at least not with the same verve and gusto that I see people writing about how horrible the individual players in this tragedy are.
Hate those Duggars, show how virtuous you are! Don’t worry, you can leave your own unconscious rape-culture apologia intact! There’s no need to reexamine your own complicity in a system that punishes rape survivors and exalts their predators over and over in all walks of life in every city in the whole country. Yes, you can totally snark at people being upset at Game of Thrones while rejecting their concerns out of hands, because at least you’re not a Duggar! Yes, you can still reflexively approve of Christianity being enshrined as special in the public sphere, because at least your Christianity isn’t Quiverfull!
Whatever you do, make sure your critique isn’t systemic, is instead squarely focused on the actions of individuals operating in a realm of stress and anxiety the likes of which few can imagine, confronting the kind of crisis that most families can’t even bring themselves to admit exists much less prepare for before it happens. Because if you did that, why you might have to start asking other questions.
Questions like:
- Why do we allow “purity culture” adherents to have TV shows that aren’t hugely critical of them?
- What does it say about us that this show ran for ten seasons on TLC?
- Why is the use of fertilization technology to get a woman pregnant 20ish times uncontroversial, but her daughters’ access to contraception is worthy of a debate?
- Why can Michelle Duggar have no problem finding doctors who are willing to help her push her body past the breaking point with more pregnancies, while her neighbors might have serious problems finding someplace to have a safe abortion?
- Why is it that a woman can push her body to the absolute breaking point, past all medical advice, to pump out a frankly unhealthy number of children on national TV, and nobody demanded an investigation into the family’s life to ensure that nobody is being coerced into doing something dangerous or unhealthy?
- What does it say about us that these four young girls are likely being re-traumatized in the name of gratifying the public apatite for outrage, and now have to carry a stigma–yes, there is a stigma about being a rape survivor–around for the rest of their life?
- Why hasn’t the Federal government seriously started enforcing women’s rights to control their own bodies with things like criminal investigations and strong new legislation?
- Why are rape convictions so rare?
- Would we accept similar apathy towards a man’s right to control his own body? (Hint, we do, but mainly if they’re brown and in prison.)
- Why do we allow huge swaths of the country to be run by people who think that the people writing abortion legislation should mostly be men?
- How come membership in a creepy cult like the Quiverfull movement isn’t automatic grounds for an investigation by Child Protective Services?
- Is it because we let “mainstream” Christians get away with only slightly less outlandish behavior?
- Do the women who are forced to live in these communities, either by circumstance or by birth, have less of a right to cultural resources that affirm and support their independence and self-determination?
- If not, how come we allow these cults to persist?
- Would we let an extremist group of Dianic Wiccans to do this to men?
- If not, why not?
- How come Josh Duggar’s mea culpa sounds just like so many half-assed apologies that come out of so many cases of sexual assault? How come he had a script to read from? A template to work from?
- And why are these kind of apologies considered even remotely acceptable as a pass back into acceptable society?
- Might it be because this has happened before, will happen again, and these periodic displays of public humiliation are more about releasing pressure against the system than it is about spurring real change?
- WHY DO WE ACCEPT A CULTURE IN WHICH GIRLS ARE TREATED AS ONLY HALF A PERSON?
Wait, don’t answer. The Duggars are about to release another public statement for us to ridicule. That’s way more fun to do than answer questions that might implicate ourselves along with them.
Shut the fuck up about the Duggars already.
I can’t answer all of your questions but I CAN answer some of them. I suspect you are NOT going to like my answers though.
“Can you be absolutely sure that you would instantly know the right thing to do” YES, I can. No hesitation, no second guessing, no question whatsoever. But, I know some things that you may not when it comes to this sort of thing – and I know them from both the perspective of a survivor and the perspective of the PARENT of survivors.
“Why do we allow “purity culture” adherents to have TV shows that aren’t hugely critical of them?” In the case of the Duggars… there is a huge segment of our society here in the US who LIKES to gawk at trainwrecks. I’m personally NOT a trainwreck gawker – or a television watcher. Escapism and stupidity coupled with trainwreck gawking leads to these sort of trash tv programs being on the air for YEARS.
“Why can Michelle Duggar have no problem finding doctors who are willing to help her push her body past the breaking point with more pregnancies, while her neighbors might have serious problems finding someplace to have a safe abortion?” The answer to this question and the answer to the question of someone’s daughter having access to birth control are very similar… because we ALLOW (through failing to VOTE) those who are the most repressive amongst us to set the tone for the discussion. The question is NOT why is one allowed and the other not… the question is “WHY are we allowing the most religiously radical amongst us to make medical decisions FOR us at all?”
“Why hasn’t the Federal government seriously started enforcing women’s rights to control their own bodies with things like criminal investigations and strong new legislation?” Because the federal government is, for the most part, run by old white guys and religious nuts these days… and in BOTH cases most of them view the female of the species as being worth less than the male of the species – providing of course we are talking about white males. The only real way to change this would be for the women of the country to go on a sex strike… and that’s not going to happen because we women are too willing to “wait patiently” when we should be fighting back.
“Do the women who are forced to live in these communities, either by circumstance or by birth, have less of a right to cultural resources that affirm and support their independence and self-determination?
If not, how come we allow these cults to persist?” Of course the women trapped in these communities, regardless of the reason, have the RIGHT to those things… however, while they may not ADMIT it even privately, they are also abuse victims trapped in a cult that is every bit as bad as Jonestown. The reason these cults persist is “The first amendment”… which guarantees even the psychotic and delusional narcissistic men who “lead” these groups the RIGHT to practice their religion. Whether said religion is a CULT or not is immaterial.
“Would we let an extremist group of Dianic Wiccans to do this to men?
If not, why not?” Ahhhhhh. Most Wiccans believe, and follow, some version of “AND IT HARM NONE” and that behavior would be considered HARM and therefore would not be engaged in to begin with. Which rather renders your question moot. Now, assuming there MIGHT be somewhere in the United States a group of “extremist Dianic Wiccans” – and despite the outrage such a group would cause in the Pagan community – First Amendment protections would ALSO apply.
I could keep answering your questions but I’m out of time at the moment.
I suggest you read up on rhetorical questions.